Indifference

“’George Bernard Shaw once said that our …worst sin toward our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be INDIFFERENT to them.’ Most of us don’t walk around harboring strong negative emotions such as loathing or rage. Yet, the challenge for many is to overcome the apathy and indifference we have toward one another: to be available and attentive to those we pass in the aisles at the market, the coworkers we see daily in the hallways of our offices and those acquaintances we regularly notice in our social and (or) spiritual circles.”

Something to think about … how am I, how are you, how are we treating those people around us? The people we don’t know, and perhaps even worse, the people we do know.

Morning Prayers

God, today is one of those days where I really need your blessings poured down upon me like a torrential rainstorm. God I come to you with open hands and an open heart prepared to receive those blessings, scoop them up and swim in them.

The truth is, really, that I have nothing to complain about.

God, please help me help Eleanor. I love that little girl so much, and I just wish that I could wave a magic wand and make everything better for her. I wish that there could be something about school that she likes. God, I pray that you will help me to better understand and relate to her. I always loved school. Of course, there were things about school I didn’t like. I got picked on and bullied, which was emotionally scarring. But I enjoyed the academic part of school. I liked my binders and my papers and being organized, so I don’t understand her vehement loathing of school. God, you have blessed her with a very intelligent brain; I’m so thankful for this. She has amazing creativity and artistic ability.

God, I am so ready for fourth grade to be over that I can hardly tell You how much I am looking forward to the end of this year and starting fifth grade with a clean slate. Sometimes I get so worn down from the battles with homework and having to go to school. It doesn’t help that there are teachers, like Mrs. ___ , who don’t understand the variety of ways ADHD presents itself and impacts young girls or that there are other children who aren’t always nice to her. I guess I can understand why she doesn’t want to go to school, but life is about doing all sorts of things we don’t want to do and school is one of those things.

God I pray that you will please provide me with the knowledge and the wisdom I need to help Ella work through these difficulties with school, so that she can find happiness and enjoyment in her days, and so that she can be successful, because I know she is more than capable.

God I know that Em isn’t feeling well today. I ask that you will please be with her and help her get through testing this morning until I can leave work to pick her up. I dislike sending her to school when she doesn’t feel well, but she is worried about missing testing and I can’t lose my job because of taking too much sick time.

God I am so thankful for all the blessings in my life. After reading this morning’s devotional which discussed rejoicing in our needs because it draws us closer to You … God I pray that you will help me to do this. I don’t know that I always know how to do this. I know how to ask for things that I need. I know how to worry about things that I need. But I’m not entirely sure that I know how to rejoice in the things that I need. Intellectually I can understand that having a need and praying about that need draws me closer to You, but this week has seemed especially difficult. I find it difficult to rejoice in my need when I feel yucky.

I am fairly certain that I have allergies after my less than extensive research on Google. I’m starting to think that this is not a lingering cold but allergies related to all of the pollen. I have never had allergies before in my life. Growing up in Miami where we had less dramatic seasonal changes, I never had allergies. Apparently we have an extremely high pollen count this spring (God, I don’t really understand how they figure all that out). I went to the Bee Store in Pickens yesterday after friends and co-workers suggested eating a spoon full of local honey every day, but then I read, on WebMD via Google, that the honey remedy doesn’t really work.

The point of all my rambling, God, is that I started out this week in such a positive frame of mind with so many things I wanted to work on, so many things I had intentions of accomplishing, but I have felt so awful that I don’t have the extra energy to do anything beyond going to work every day and coming home to take care of the most minimal of necessities. We’ve had volleyball games on top of that and that eats up huge chunks of time in the evenings, so I feel as though I have gotten nothing accomplished. I feel sluggish and I dislike that feeling immensely.

God, I really need energy and to feel better. I pray that whatever is going on with my sinuses and all this congestion in my head that You will please heal my body so that I can begin feeling like I have some get up and go. I have too much to do to feel yucky.

God, I think I also tend to worry that when things are going well (this is terrible), I worry that when things are going well that something awful must be about to happen because life can’t possibly be going this smoothly for such a consistent period of time. Isn’t that terrible? God, I’m sorry for thinking and feeling this way – for worrying about things that haven’t even happened. God I pray that you will help me learn to relax, for lack of a better word, and to really enjoy the blessings that you have given me and that you continue to give me, without being worried that the other shoe is going to drop.

God, I still have things that need to be worked on – wounded places in my heart that need mending – and I pray that You will help me to do this so that I can thoroughly and completely enjoy this life that You have given me. God, I am truly so thankful and I feel like thanks isn’t even enough to express how grateful I am for everything that You are doing in my life.

God I ask that You will please guide me through this day and make me aware of opportunities where I can serve You, where I can give back, where I can share Your love and blessings with others.

God I thank You so much for my two amazing daughters and I pray that You will help me to be absolutely the best mom I can be for them, so that they always know that they are treasured and valued beyond what they can imagine. God I thank You for treasuring and valuing me in a way that I can’t even comprehend. Thank you for being my guide through this day.

In Jesus’ Name I pray. Amen.    

 

Ella’s hEARing

On March 13, 2015 she underwent surgery to have a perforation in her ear drum repaired with a cartilage graft from the backside of her ear. We were given an 80% success rate prior to the procedure; Ella had virtually no eardrum left to even work with.

Rewind … The Backstory

I had been nervous about the surgery when we were still in the conversational stages. At nine years old, having to discuss surgery and go through it with Ella would not be as easy as it had been when she got her first set of tubes at 18 months old.

We’ve been going to the same ENT since she had her first set of tubes implanted, but he never had the warm and fuzzy bedside manner I prefer having in a doctor.  I wasn’t too keen on the idea of having him perform this reparation, despite his brilliance as a surgeon, because I knew that in addition to a talented physician, Ella also needed someone who would be sensitive to her feelings. Thankfully, he referred us to one of his partners.

Many prayers had been lifted to God prior to meeting Dr. Rampey and discussing the surgery. In my mind, we were only going in for a consultation and information; I wasn’t sold on the surgery yet. I didn’t want to put Ella through a procedure that wasn’t absolutely necessary.

I’ve been nervous. Not up all night with worry kind of nervous, because through this entire process, Ella has said that her ear is the way it is and she is fine with things. Not only that, but her hearing isn’t impaired such that she is unable or has major difficulty functioning. I’m certain her hearing loss impacts her, but having her hearing completely intact isn’t going to make her like school or make homework any easier (our two greatest challenges).

When we met Dr. Rampey at that initial visit prior to surgery, I liked him the minute he walked into our exam room. I could already discern warmth about him in the way he introduced himself to Ella and then Brian and I and his mannerisms gave me a good feeling in my gut.

He completed his exam of Ella’s ear and said that the graft was basically a necessity if there was any hope of improving her hearing and reducing the chronic ear infections that seem to be normal and routine for my sweet-pea girl. I looked over at Ella and I could read the apprehension and anxiety all over her face.

At some point during the examination, Dr. Rampey had mentioned that his son had recently had to have a tonsillectomy, so I held Ella’s hand and said to her that Dr. Rampey had a little boy and that if his little boy needed to have his eardrum repaired, Dr. Rampey would be recommending the same thing. I reminded her that Mommy, Daddy A and Daddy B, Grandma and Em would be there the whole time.

Then I said to her, “even better than all that, Ella B., is that God is here, He loves you and He is going to take care of you during this surgery.” After the words left my mouth, Dr. Rampey asked if we would like him to pray with us. My eyes immediately filled with tears of awe and joy knowing, in that very moment, that God had answered my prayers and that He had brought Ella to Dr. Rampey and I knew He was telling me that He had his hands all over this surgery. Dr. Rampey put his hand on Ella’s arm. I held her other hand and Dr. Rampey prayed for Ella, our family and for God’s guiding hands over the surgery.

Sappy, sentimental me was still crying as we offered our thanks and said our good-byes to the doctor. While we were in the check-out area, I crouched down in front of Ella so I could look into her beautiful brown eyes. I explained to her that I was not crying because I was sad or scared because after this appointment, I was neither sad nor scared. I told her that I had been nervous and praying about this appointment and that God answered my prayers in that one amazing instant.

As soon as Dr. Rampey offered to pray with us and put his hand on my child’s arm, I knew that God had placed us in the best hands. I told Ella that this was God’s way of assuring me that He was watching over all of us and that He was going to take care of her during the surgery.

More Prayers Answered

This afternoon Ella had her post-op appointment with Dr. Rampey.

The graft took and there is no longer a hole in Ella’s ear drum.

Once Dr. Rampey removed the packing, he could see inside her ear clearly. He “pumped” air in her ear and the ear drum moved. This is GREAT because it has to vibrate for hearing. He did a brief test with two pitch forks and she could hear the tones emanating from the metal wands both in front and behind her ear.

He believes that the eardrum will continue to heal with time, so Dr. Rampey scheduled a hearing test and follow-up appointment in four months. In the meantime, Ella is free and cleared to swim her heart out this summer!

God brought Dr. Rampey into our lives and the surgery was executed without a hitch. Ella did well under the anesthesia and made it through the procedure safe and sound. Her healing and recovery went smoothly. The end result was a success: her eardrum is repaired.

Thank you seems such an inadequate response to God’s blessings in our lives, but it is all this human has.

“….for I am the Lord who heals you.” Exodus 15:26

Good Morning, God and Happy Monday! I don’t even know that you measure time in the same way. Kind of an interesting thought. Thank you for today and for the fresh start of another new week.

Lord, when I was reading my devotional this morning, the opening lines said that we should come to You with open hands and an open heart to receive Your blessings. As I start this new week, I am coming to You with my hands open, my heart open and with my mind open. I ask not only for Your blessings, but also for your guidance. I pray that as I continue in my walk with You, that You will draw me closer to You.

Lord, as I am helping show C. the ropes, I pray that You will use me to help her see how special the job is that she’s doing. I pray that somehow I can pass along some wisdom or insight that I have learned along the way – something that You’ve taught me that will be beneficial to both her and the families she will be serving.

Lord, I ask that you will continue to guide me professionally. I’m still feeling a little uncertain about work and what’s what going to be going on there. I’m thrilled to be able to be with my team until June. There is a lot of comfort for me in having the change be more gradual. I’m not taking any new cases and I’m not really certain what I’m supposed to be doing; however, Lord, in whatever capacity I’m in until I move into the new position, I pray that you will use wherever you need me. I pray that you will continue to guide and direct me, that You will make me mindful of You, and that You will help me keep my focus on You so that I can hear when You speak to me, see when You are pointing in one direction or another, or so I simply feel and know in my gut that “this” (whatever “this” might be) is what You want me to do.

Lord, I ask that You will please be with us today when we go to Ella’s doctor’s appointment. I can’t really tell if there has been a significant change in her hearing since her surgery. I’m hoping that today Dr. Rampey will be able to give us more information. Lord, I pray that the graft took and that the perforation in her eardrum is healing.  I don’t know if her hearing will ever be restored 100%. I simply ask that You will please be with us and with Ella.

Lord, I have no idea what you have planned for her life. She is such a sensitive and special little girl. She’s had a lot of obstacles to overcome and we still have a lot of hurtles to jump, but I feel like the adversities she deals with now are preparing her for whatever You have planned for her future life. Lord, I pray that this surgery was successful so that Ella doesn’t have to undergo another one. I know that the process for Ella was scary – the anticipation of it all was hard. I am so thankful that You brought her through surgery safely, and that she is healthy - without negative consequences or side effects. I pray that her hearing will continue to improve and that You will continue to watch over and bless her. And the same with Emerson, Lord. I don’t know what Your plans are for my girls, but I ask that You will please watch over them and bless them. I pray that You will help me to be an example for them and that as we are going to church and making time at night to pray with You, that You will use these opportunities to help Em and Ella start developing a stronger foundation for a relationship with You.

Lord, it is so important for me that they find You in their lives and that they understand what it means to have a personal relationship with You. I want that so badly for them, and I feel like I have let them down in not being more assertive about going to church when Brian and I were married and then when it was my responsibility alone. I feel like I have let them down in not instilling the value of church, a church home, prayer and communion with You when they were younger.

As always, I ask that You will please be with M. I pray that You will continue to work in his life and that if it is Your will, there will be an opportunity for us to be able to talk and that there will be an opportunity for healing. I lift this up to You.

Lord, there is nothing else I can ask for. I feel so blessed by the relationship that I continue to develop with You. I feel blessed to be alive. I love my family. I love my life. I love my job.

Lord, You know how badly I want to have love in my life. How badly I want to have someone to share this journey with. God I simply have to pray that if and when it is Your will that You will put that person in my life; and God if it isn’t, if I am meant to be alone, I ask that You will please help me to make peace with this and that being alone won’t bother me.

Lord, thank You for all of the blessings in my life. Help me to remain open to You today and every day this week. Help me keep my focus on You.

In Jesus Name I pray. Amen.

Prayer for Financial Blessings

God, I thank you for today and I thank You for another opportunity to grow in my faith and my relationship with You. I’m thankful for the sermon that we had at church last Sunday about tithing. God, I seek your forgiveness for not tithing the way I should’ve been and for not being a good steward of my money – especially in light of the enormous help You have given me over the last few years. Not only have You saved me from drowning in a sea of debt, You have also lifted me onto a life raft and are helping me keep our family finances afloat.

Now that we might possibly have a church home, or at the very least have a church we are enjoying attending, God I feel like there is a place where I can give back to You a portion of the income blessing You have given me. I pray that You will receive my tithe as an act of faith, an effort to put You first in this area of my life, and as a small gesture of thanksgiving for everything You do for me.  

As You know Lord, I’m still not out of the woods financially. I still have a significant amount of debt I’m diligently working toward paying down in addition to our monthly living expenses.  You are also aware that we have a few needs that we haven’t been able to meet yet because there hasn’t been enough financial surplus to cover the overall costs. Em and Ella need to have the window replaced in their bedroom, but this is going to require some extra construction to repair the damage around the window and frame. I’m sure there are other windows that need to be replaced as well. The entire front porch railing has been devoured by carpenter bees.

There is a crack in the pump that operates the pool, bamboo growing up through the brand new liner I had to replace in May 2014, and, at present, the pool looks like some primordial swamp from horror-sci-fi film. I realize the pool is a luxury, but it has been a main staple for Em and Ella every summer for as long as they can remember. Without your help, God, there is no way I am going to be able to afford to repair and maintain the pool. I have to find child care for the summer, and last year was so costly that I dread what is just around the corner. We still have an orange tarp hanging over the portion of broken wooden fence around the back yard where our neighbor’s trees fell and obliterated four or five boards.

God, while I know it is not a necessity, I would also love to be able to do some fun stuff with the girls this summer. I’m not looking for anything extravagant, but I would like us to be able to take a short trip to Helen, GA or the beach so we can spend some quality time together, away from everyday life, and make memories that Em and Ella will be able to treasure when they are adults. You also know how important it is for me that the girls have time with Mom, and that my mom can relax and have time with us, because she isn’t going to be here forever.

Lord, I pray that as I begin tithing in accordance with your scriptural teachings, that You will help me to see clearly the ways You choose to bless the monies left over, so that I can record them. Lord, I am so inspired and overwhelmed by the awesome ways you have been and are continuing to work in my life. I want so much to be able to share that with others who maybe need hope or maybe are lacking in faith. God, this writing project is for You and about You. I can’t write it without You. Lord, if this is truly Your Will and You are motivating me to draft these vignettes, that You will continue to supply me with the words, the ideas, and the experiences I need as fodder for my passion and creation, so that I may be able to share the way that You are working in my life and the way You could, would, might work in someone else’s life if they ask.  Amen.

Financial Blessings and Giving Back

Finances are an area in my life where I understand struggle. There are three sides to every story – two perceptions and one truth. I’m certain my ex-husband would disagree with my perspective, and I’m okay with that. I’m also not writing about this as a means of bashing him; I simply need to be able to share my history because without it is difficult to make sense of the present or the future.

Preface written, let me say again that I understand financial problems. When Brian and I separated four years ago, I found myself drowning in debt – mortgage, a line of equity on the house, student loans, credit cards, medical bills – the list went on and on and on and on. There was a time when I didn’t want to go to the mailbox or answer the phone because it was easier to stick my head in the sand like an ostrich then deal with the creditors hunting me down for money I simply didn’t have.  I would never take my own life, but there were times when I knew that I was financially worth more dead than I was alive: my daughters would have inherited more life insurance than I could earn or keep in the bank to pay bills.

Those were extremely difficult and stressful days that I hope we never have to relive. My mom has been instrumental in making sure that my daughters and I have a roof over our heads, clothes on our backs and food in our bellies. We live in her home, and after my divorce, my mom and I merged our banking accounts. Despite having a full time job that I love, there is no way I could support Em, Ella and myself on my salary alone. Even with child support, my debt to income ratio is not do-able.

Our financial circumstances have greatly improved over the last four years. There is still debt, but I don’t live in a constant state of stress, sick with worry about how or if we were going to make it. I know that God is the reason we are in better financial standings; He is the reason we have everything we do. He is the reason we have a home and transportation to work and school; He is the reason we have clothing; He is the reason that Em, Ella and I have the luxury of having a mani-pedi afternoon together; He is the reason I can pay bills, make payments on the debt, and still have a little left over to start building some savings.

Growing up in church, I was taught to and thought I had a pretty good grasp on the concept of tithing. I remember watching my mom sit down every Sunday morning to write out her check and put it in that week’s offering envelope before we went to church. When I was a child, someone always made sure I had a dollar to put in the offering plate as it was passed around the congregation during Sunday worship.

Despite all of my (our) financial blessings, I have not tithed with any sort of consistency – mainly because we haven’t had a church home we attended with any regularity. While I have given back financially, in the small amounts I am able, I know it isn’t the same thing as giving a monthly tithe.

Last Sunday at Mt. Airy, the pastor did a fantastic sermon on what it means to tithe. Money is a difficult thing to talk about in church, or anywhere else for that matter, and there are a lot of people who are skeptical about handing their hard-earned money to a church or religious institution. Unfortunately, even in churches, there are dishonest people who take money and use it in ways other than those God intended.

The scriptural basis for the pastor’s sermon came from Malachi – a book of the Bible with which I admit to not being terrible familiar. I looked it up so I could share it here. This passage comes from Malachi 3:6-10:

 “I the LORD do not change. So you, the descendants of Jacob, are not destroyed. Ever since the time of your ancestors you have turned away from my decrees and have not kept them. Return to me, and I will return to you,” says the LORD Almighty.

“But you ask, ‘How are we to return?’

 “Will a mere mortal rob God? Yet you rob me.

“But you ask, ‘How are we robbing you?’

“In tithes and offerings. You are under a curse—your whole nation—because you are robbing me. Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the LORD Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it. I will prevent pests from devouring your crops, and the vines in your fields will not drop their fruit before it is ripe,” says the LORD Almighty. “Then all the nations will call you blessed, for yours will be a delightful land,” says the LORD Almighty.

The pastor explained the difference between giving and tithing in a way that made sense to me. He said that tithing is returning to God what God has given to us, which is why a tithe is supposed to be 10% of an individual’s earnings. An offering or giving is just that – it is the extra financial donations people give to God and their church.

I have a job and a salary because God blessed me with those things. Yes, I went to school and earned a couple of degrees. And I am writing checks every month to pay off my student loan debt. I have gone on job interviews, worked, and built a resume that makes me desirable in my profession (I hope). I completed the application paperwork for my LPC and I am putting in the client and supervision hours to earn my license. However, I firmly believe it is God who provided all of these opportunities along the way to get me to where I am currently – in a job I love where I am helping others.

“You may say to yourself, “My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me.” But remember the LORD your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth.” Deuteronomy 8:17-18

Tithing isn’t as much about the money as it is an act of faith and gratitude. By tithing a mere 10% of my salary, I am giving back to God, first and foremost, what He has given to me and my daughters. Our pastor described tithing as “giving God your first and best and allowing God to bless the rest.” Whatever it is on our lives we want God to bless, he said, we have to put God first.

After the sermon, I went home and pulled out the spiral notebook that I use as my checking account register. [Side Note: Yes. I am the last dinosaur on the planet who writes checks because I enjoy the illusion of controlling where my money goes and when it leaves my banking account. Direct deposit is a fantastic banking service. Automatic withdrawals don’t work for me. Not only am I ‘old-fashioned’ that way, but in learning how to regain control of my finances after the divorce, it was very helpful for me to do things ‘old skool’ and actually write things down in a notebook, do the math myself, and truly see where my money was going. I like my notebook, pencil and calculator and refuse to apologize for who I am. I think it is part of what makes me charming and endearing.]  I thumbed through the month of March and wrote down my work deposits in one column and mom’s work deposits in another. I added up our individual earnings for the month and took 10% from each amount to figure what my tithe and her tithe should be each month.

Endeavoring to put God first in everything that I do, my plan is to begin giving my tithe back to God every week. I see this gesture as an act of thanksgiving for all of the blessings in my life, and I also have faith and believe that God will bless the remainder of my money. This is my prayer.  

Backseat Driver

My commute to work every morning is approximately a 10 mile drive (great thing to keep in mind when I start training for my next half-marathon).
 

Getting Em and Ella ready for school in the morning, sometimes side-stepping my mother’s anxiety because she might be five minutes late for a job she arrives an hour early for every morning, can be stressful and chaotic to say the least.


After we’ve made it through the car line drop-off-loop at Forest Acres and I know my girls are safely tucked away at school, I make my way to work. Over the years I suppose I have adopted a portion of my mom’s incredible work ethic, so I also I also like to arrive early and get caught up on paperwork or tying up loose ends from the previous work day, before my new work day begins.


Several months ago, without even giving it much thought, I developed a routine where I turn off the car radio after the girls exit my car and the adorable little safety patrol tells me to have a great day while closing my door. As soon as that door shuts, a stillness and silence permeate every inch of my car, like the swirling smoke of an incense stick would create a cloud in the air. There is an immediate sense of peace, and I instinctively began to utilize the quiet of my morning commute to pray and talk with God.


My prayers to God have always been conversational in nature because I don’t think I have to be pretentious when I pray. Reverent and respectful, yes; however, I believe that I can simply and plainly talk to God as if He were sitting right beside me in the passenger seat. 


Thus the idea for this new writing project was born.


Prayer is incredibly powerful. In my life, I’ve seen my own prayers answered. I have witnessed God do some amazing things in my life at times when I felt the most hopeless. I began to think about how neat it might be to document a year in my prayer life so that I had written evidence, if you will, of the way God is working in my life and the way He might work in the lives of others who simply ask him to do so.


The term “Back Seat Driver” typically has a negative connotation.  

When I Googled the term I found the following definitions and examples:
Back Seat Driver: A passenger who gives unwanted and (or) unneeded directions to the driver; also, a person who interferes in affairs without having knowledge, responsibility, or authority for doing so. For example, Aunt Mary drives us all crazy with her instructions; she's an incurable back seat driver. This term originated in the United States in the 1920s, when it was first used for a passenger legitimately directing a chauffeur, and it was quickly transferred to figurative use.


As a figure of speech, a Back Seat Driver is an annoying passenger who tells the driver how to drive; someone who tells others how to do things. For example: “I don't need any backseat driver on this project. Stop pestering me with all your advice. Nobody likes a backseat driver!”


As a title for this project, I originally considered the term back seat driver as a reference to God – minus all the negative connotations. Let me make this clear, I was not thinking about God as an annoying or nagging passenger giving unwanted or unneeded direction in my life. Instead, I was thinking of God as the back seat driver helping me, the driver, to navigate my life in a way that make sense and was clear – a way that kept my on His path and following his plan for my life. The reality is that on earth, I am a human being and the vessel through which God works when I allow Him to do so. While I am perfectly made by God, I am certainly not perfect. I am human and I am flawed.


The more I thought about developing a thematic title, this truth clicked in my brain like a light switch being turned on: I am often the back seat driver in my life. I continually ask God to guide and direct my life. I desire, and am practicing and learning, to let go and let God. But there are so many times when I am the annoying back seat driver who questions God’s directions and suggests alternate routes that fit my idea of the way things should be or the way I want things to go. I am the one who causes the accident because I think I know which way is best, which route is the most direct to get to whatever goal I have in sight to accomplish.


What I have found, time after time, is that when I try to take over and be in control, things do not work out for the best. It is when I allow God to be the architect of my life – when I pray for His guidance and allow him to build from His blueprints – He creates something beautiful and majestic – something that exceeds my expectations. When I allow Him to do so, God showers me with blessings that surpass the greatest ideas I can dream up in my limited human mind.


Part of my practice in growing closer to God is studying the Bible and reading devotionals. I’ve always been a great researcher and when I want to learn more about any subject, my initial response is to hit the books. I read a variety of devotionals, but one of my favorites is “Jesus Calling” by Sarah Young. As I was working on this particular entry, I took a quick break and read my daily devotional, which corresponding exactly to the point I am trying to make here: “Walk with Me in holy trust, responding to My initiatives rather than trying to make things fit your plans. I died to set you free, and that includes freedom from compulsive planning. When your mind spins with a multitude of thoughts, you cannot hear My voice. A mind preoccupied with planning pays homage to the idol of control. Listen to Me and live abundantly.”


I am setting out on a journey, learning to allow God to be driver, the author and illustrator of the plan and map for my life and the lives of my daughters. I want to practice giving up control and always having to be a back seat driver. Please pray for me along the way.