Morning Prayers

Good Morning, God.

I thank You for another wonderful morning. Em and Ella were such troopers getting up and getting ready for school without any of the it’s-Monday-fuss-and-muss. We were all able to get to where we needed to be on time. God, I thank You for those seamless transitions this morning.

God, please be with Emerson and Ella today. Please watch over them. With everything that has been going on at school lately, the name calling and negativity, I pray that in all of this, You will help Em and Ella to show kindness towards others even if those children don’t always direct kindness toward them.

God, I pray that you will please keep them out of the drama and nonsense and help them to focus on the reason they are at school and that is to learn and soak up knowledge like the little sponges they are.

God, You know I went to sleep feeling kind of sad last night. I was having a hard time formulating my thoughts and prayers in my head because they were all jumbled up. The minute I would begin to pray about one thing my mind would get distracted by another thought. I dislike when that happens. Please know my wandering mind is not indicative of a lack of desire to communicate with You, nor is it meant as any form of disrespect on my part. Sometimes my brain goes haywire with thoughts and then my train of thinking is hard to redirect.

God, this whole thing with X is still weighing very heavily on my heart. I don’t know if it is weighing there so heavily because You want me to continue to pray about X or for X. Are the thoughts a means of developing my prayer life because I feel the need to pray about something that is weighing on me so heavily? Or is the humanness of my heart and mind having a hard time letting go? It is difficult.

Now that it is warm and springish-summerish weather, I’m wearing more warm weather clothing. I’m not all bundled up for winter. Of course, people ask about the tattoo on my arm. I had three people ask about it this weekend (not that I need to tell You. Duh! You were there). People ask “where did you get it done?” Well….I used to get it done at ----- but I don’t go there anymore. “The piece is beautiful, why don’t you go there anymore?” Well….that’s kind of a long story. I’m not allowed to go there anymore? “What?!?! Why can’t you go there anymore?!?!” The whole thing is so ridiculous!

God, I wish that there were - if I could wave a magic wand or if I could order up a wish, a prayer, like the Zoltan machine from the movie Big, I would like for, I would pray for my phone to ring, and when I answer his voice would be on the other end asking if we could have coffee and talk. I really miss our friendship and I think what hurts the most is the complete apathy and indifference that exists where there were once professions of eternal love. I simply don’t understand how a person can love somebody one minute and then flip a switch so the person once loved doesn’t even exist anymore.

There is so much history and so many years of building friendship and relationship. I don’t know how to flip a switch and turn all of that off. God, I wish I could. I wish I knew how to do that. I wish I could just completely forget about X or that I ever knew him; that seems to be working well for him. I, on the other hand, am having a difficult time doing this.

I’m sure he doesn’t spend all the time that I spend feeling badly about the way things are, feeling sad about the way things are or praying that things were different. God, I’m grateful You didn’t make my heart like this, but I also ask that You will please heal my heart.

God if it is by Your divine design that this persona and this friendship is no longer part of my life, God I pray that You will please heal the sadness that exists – that You will take it away – remove it – remove any thought about it – like a surgeon cutting out cancerous tissue.

God, as You know, I have been praying for opportunities and the door cracked open ever so slightly last week. God I was and continue to be thankful for this answer to prayer. I don’t believe it is coincidence because I know You have Your hand in everything, especially when I am seeking Your wisdom and direction. Still, I don’t know what the brief exchange of ‘conversation’ meant, and as much as my mind tends to analyze and dissect – look at each tiny piece and try to put the puzzle together – I know it isn’t up to me to do this. God, you are making the finished product – the stunning masterpiece – not me.

God if You are putting this on my heart, if I am meant to be praying about it, please guide my prayers because I don’t even know what to pray for. I pray for him. I pray for open-mindedness and his willingness to consider an alternative perspective. I pray for his giving up of control of everything.

The bottom line is this, God: I miss my friend but I don’t think my friend misses me and that really hurts.

God, I pray that you will please heal this hurt in my heart. I ask that You will take away the heaviness that is weighing on me. I don’t know why it is there. I ask that You will please be with X. Bless him. I ask that You will continue to be with him as he seeks You – that You will continue to work in his life and in his heart. I pray that You will watch over him and that he will feel Your peace, Your presence and feel like he is being blanketed in Your unconditional love.

God please guide me through my day. Help me to behave in a manner that is pleasing to You and to speak in a manner that is pleasing to You. I pray that You will help me be aware of opportunities today where I can help others and where I can be of service to You.

In Christ’s precious name I pray. Amen.